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Bill McEwen found
| by samuraijack on 12/17/2003 09:59 PM |
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"We got him!"
Bill McEwen - CEO or ex-CEO of Amiga Inc. (we were never sure quite which, but who really cares), has for some time failed to appear at Amiga shows and even courtrooms despite many promises to the contrary. This has led to rumours that McEwen may not actually care about the people he was trying to con...er, market to, despite vociferous denial from True Amigans, who have described McEwen as 'the best in the west!!!!!!'.
But finally the mystery of Bill McEwen's whereabouts has been solved, in a swift and decisive military action.
Bill McEwen was found by Genesi special forces in a hole under a shed, in Snoqualmie. He had been living there for the past two years. He was pulled out 'disorientated' and 'bewildered'.
Leader of the covert troops, Captain Pegasos, said the farm where the former CEO was found consisted of "two very small rooms in a condo". He said one was a bedroom that was cluttered with clothes, including a great number of T-shirts, and a 'very rudimentary' kitchen, with running water.
"This morning I got a call from my totally exhausted squadron leader of the Genesi FUDstaffel (GFS)," Captain Pegasos told us. "He told me that an informant inside of Amiga Inc. had leaked the position of McEwen's hiding place for some money and hot food, having been captured after an Amiga show in England as he attempted to paddle the Atlantic on a wooden crate. I wasted no time jumping to the offensive, just like our special forum and IRC discrediting and defamation forces."
The Genesi squadron leader pictured while informing Captain Pegasos about the successful capture.
Bill did not resist arrest and was polite to his captors. He was bedraggled, dirty, and for diguise had grown a large beard, which was later shaved off to prove his identity.
"I am the CEO of Amiga Inc.," he told the troops, dusting off his dishevelled suit and handing over a business card. "I wish to surrender."
"Regards from Bill Buck," one of the GFS soldiers said, as he was tied up in sticky 'Today is a gift' T-shirts and led away.
With McEwen now in custody - rumoured to be the cellar of the bPlan villa - there are already calls to put him quickly on trial. "He should be punished for all the money he took from Amigans over the years, returning nothing but uncertainty and lies," said an anonymous caller to our offices as the news was breaking.
But as McEwen was interrogated he became uncooperative, demanding to see a horse vet and denying the existence of any program to build coupons of mass distraction. "Those T-shirts in the condo don't actually exist, they're Fleecy's!" he was alleged to have told his captors, between the electric shocks.
In defiance of international law, now Genesi have their hands on their arch-enemy they may punish him themselves. Nothing has been decided yet, but rumours are telling that the punishment won't be a piece of cake, as Genesi beholds a large portfolio of actions that can be taken such as being drowned with HERZLICHEN DANK! e-mails, forced to read all 25 Ask Fleecy sessions consecutively, forced to discuss one-on-one with samface for three months or to help EyeAm 'develop' his 64-bit x86 EyeAmOS.
"Both I and Raquel think it was rather ironic that he was in a hole in the ground near the large house he bought, when he robbed all the money from his employees and the Amiga community," added our anonymous source, before giggling wildly and breaking out into Queen's 'We Are the Champions'.
Although the area had been searched before, it was likely Bill McEwen had not been there, as he was thought to have moved often and at short notice. Neighbours told us that he was seen often driving a truck and stayed away for several days until he came back in the small hours. It is speculated that he has moved his large stock of AmiCola and other Amiga branded items to a safe place, perhaps for example Montana.
The spokesman said it was likely he had been there for some time when finally the 'ultimate information' came from the member of Amiga Inc. snatched returning from Bath.
But Genesi's constant insistence that McEwen was orchestrating Amiga Inc. and Bath extremists to resist their Pegasos board have now been dashed by the realisation that there was no phone or any way to communicate down the hole.
Analysts have suggested that McEwen hid near Snoqualmie - his political and tribal powerbase - in the hope that remaining local supporters would shelter him from Genesi forces. Unfortunately they were off playing Unreal Tournament at the time.
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| Comments |
| The comments are owned by the poster. We are not responsible for its content.
No Subject
Posted on: 2003-12-19 03:19:31
By: Anonymous
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LOL!
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Re:
Posted on: 2003-12-19 09:10:14
By: Anonymous
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I'll double it ;-]]
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Re:
Posted on: 2004-02-23 23:22:37
By: Anonymous
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i like that guy's tan lines!!!
Potty Police
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Captain Pegasos For President!
Posted on: 2003-12-19 10:59:41
By: Anonymous
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Nice article. A true classic!
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No Subject
Posted on: 2003-12-19 15:27:01
By: Anonymous
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"coupons of mass distraction"
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
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Rich is that you?
Posted on: 2003-12-19 22:40:06
By: Anonymous
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Is that RW on the pot?
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No Subject
Posted on: 2003-12-20 13:49:55
By: Anonymous
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*rotfl*
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No Subject
Posted on: 2003-12-20 18:19:07
By: Anonymous
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BRILLIANT
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Re:
Posted on: 2003-12-24 22:06:40
By: Anonymous
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This made me laugh so hard I got dizzy and had to take a break in the middle of it! You guys will never be able to maintain this pace, but good luck trying!
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Nice Joke
Posted on: 2004-01-21 11:18:33
By: Anonymous
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Nice joke... But it's ONLY a joke ! Let's see in the next few weeks how Pegs/Morph are doing...
It would certainly be more productive to put this energy to work together to offer a good alternative to x86/wintel !
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